“I didn’t want you to say that!”  insists my son as I assist him with the cd player.  He is quick to let me know that I am helping him too much…again.  I am more than happy to back off but cringe slightly at his commanding manner and think to myself,  “I hope you don’t speak to Grammie or your teachers like that.” 

“Ok, you can tell me that you’d like to do it by yourself,” I add.

I wander away and minutes later he is asking me to please turn on the bathroom light for him- something he has done for years, his 1 ½ year old sister does on her own, but he suddenly won’t do by himself.  I appreciate the ‘please’ and accompany him to the bathroom.  On the way he reminds me that he is walking in front. J 

This can only be the classic teeter-totter behavior (typical at this age) of dependence vs. independence.  I need you, now go away (to be re-visited in the teenage years!)  I know not to worry or question but just dig deep for patience.

Montessori says…..“Little children, from the moment they are weaned, are making their way toward independence.”  Their progress is not uniform but has many ups and downs.  “It is necessary for the teacher to guide the child without letting him feel her presence too much, so that she may always be ready to supply the desired help, but may never be the obstacle between the child and his experience.” 

To support this when you have nothing else to do is easy and quite enjoyable.  To apply it in the middle of your daily routine when the clock is ticking can be quite maddening.

Dressing in the winter time just about wears me out with the careful selection of almost 10 articles of clothing (pockets, no pockets, stripes, no stripes, buttons, collars, socks with colored toes and heels that have to line up on the foot just perfectly…..allowing time for the child to gain independence, blah, blah, blah….potential power struggles around every corner)  Comic relief in our house comes in the form of a 1 ½ year old constantly toddling through the situation moving things around and naming everything she gets her hands on 10-20 times until someone repeats it back to her.   

Don’t get me wrong, I adore 3 year olds!  I love them for their conscious efforts to mimic the adult.  (When my deodorant and my husband’s cologne went missing the other day, we knew just where to look.)

I love them for the time spent on the smallest of details.  (Who else could sit and examine a piece of frost so thoroughly on a cold morning when everyone else is ready to go?!)

I love them for the absorption and use of new language.  (When I reminded my son to clear his plate from the table he told me he was ‘sorry’ he was not ‘available’ and he would be there ‘shortly’.)

But when I have a quiet moment at the end of the day to do a little reflection, I especially love them for their efforts to constantly strive toward independence (as Montessori warned us about) and in the very next moment wanting to be completely dependent once again on the adult.  Such honesty!  In fact, it is what I find most endearing about our beloved 3 year olds!